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Have you ever thought that having a tough time emotionally means you're doing something wrong? Maybe you've felt completely off track with what you're supposed to be doing with your life. It's a familiar feeling. But it's not the truth.
It's normal to think that hard times are a sign of failure. It's easy to believe that if you are struggling emotionally, you cannot achieve your real purpose.
Think about a newly married couple. They're full of hope and plans for the future. They picture their careers, their home, and maybe even kids. They see a future filled with happiness.
I've worked with many young couples. I often ask them to draw their shared dream for their marriage. One couple drew a picture. It showed them with gray hair. They were sitting on their porch, drinking lemonade. They were enjoying time together as they grew old.
But life doesn't always go as planned. People are different, and figuring out how to get along may lead to conflict. Jobs don't always work out. Getting pregnant can be challenging, or maybe someone gets sick. There are many possible difficulties. It's like your big dreams ran smack into real life.
The dream doesn't have to disappear. It just needs some changes. It must work with everything life throws at you—all the ordinary, sometimes extraordinary, sometimes the difficult ordinary.
Many young people think trouble in a relationship means it's the wrong relationship. Folks who have been in relationships for a long time know that's not true. Problems suggest that being close to someone is not simple. Easy? No. Complicated? Yes.
The same goes for the emotional challenges we face in life. Hard feelings aren't a sign you've misunderstood your purpose. They are probably telling you something. We must pay close attention to what we can learn during these challenging times.
Facing emotional difficulties gives us three options.
Emotional challenges are not failures. Expect them. Learn from them.
In early 2022, I told my wife, Vicki, I wanted to end my military service.
We talked about what that would mean. We pictured life without the financial stability we enjoyed. We shared our hopes. We created a plan for the future, and I set the decision into motion.
How did I know it was time? I had a sense, and a friend asked me a few pointed questions. A few months after we made the decision, I had a seizure and ended up in an ambulance. If we hadn't decided to retire, the Navy would have forced me to. My faith tells me that the feeling to retire was God knowing what was coming.
Pay attention. When you experience feelings you're not sure about, pause. Take a moment to look deeper. Look below the surface. What is the feeling saying? Consider the feeling's message. What is it telling you about the present? What might it tell you about your situation?
Think about someone sailing a boat. They have to keep checking their course. They also need to check the weather. If they don't, they could end up far from where they want to be. Or even in trouble.
While serving as a Navy ship chaplain, I observed officers and enlisted working in the pilot house. The officer on duty had to know where we were headed at all times, or the ship would have gone off course.
Many life strategies help us consider where we have been and assist us in determining our path forward. It is essential to take frequent rests to reflect. Are we balanced? Do we need to let a few unnecessary things go?
Sometimes, we have to understand that feelings of sadness sometimes don't call for significant changes. Talk with someone you trust.
I once talked with a young Marine who came to my office and told me his girlfriend had left him. He thought he would never find someone like her.
We talked. He came to view it as a challenge, not the end of the world. He was able to see the possibility of other relationships in his future.
Old Man Tiber was the village blacksmith. He was strong, and his calloused, scarred hands could bend iron like butter when heated. For fifty years, he had hammered steel and made tools and horseshoes. He was the heart of the village.
Then, his hands started to fail. Arthritis, the doctor said. His grip weakened. The hammer felt heavy. The heat of the forge became unbearable for his joints. He tried to ignore it, to push through the pain. But his work suffered. The villagers noticed. He noticed.
Tiber felt useless. Pride had always been tied to his strength, his ability to provide. Now, he couldn't even swing a hammer correctly. He considered closing his shop. Retirement loomed, unwelcome and frightening. What would he do with himself?
He sat in his workshop, surrounded by the tools he could barely use anymore. Sunlight streamed through the grimy windows, and dust motes danced in the air. Then, he noticed a pile of scrap metal in the corner. Thin sheets, delicate wire, pieces too small for heavy work—he had always discarded them.
An idea flickered. What if he worked with his weakness, not against it? What if he used his still-skilled hands but for finer work? He picked up a piece of thin copper. He started to shape it slowly, carefully, not with brute force but with finesse.
He made a small flower, a leaf, and a bird perched delicately on a branch. Though his hands were weaker, they still possessed years of skill. He began creating art from metal, delicate sculptures, and intricate wall hangings.
The villagers were surprised. They had always known Tiber, the blacksmith. Now, there was Tiber, the artist. His different but equally valuable work filled a new need in the village. He taught young apprentices the old ways and the new.
Tiber's failing hands changed his path. It was a hard change—a painful one at first—but it led him to something new—something beautiful. Challenges can close doors, but they often open windows. Sometimes, the greatest strength is not overcoming weakness but learning to live with it and even transform it.
My life journey has been long and winding. I've had wins and losses. My younger self would never have guessed where I ended up. I'm still here. I've been knocked down. These times of being knocked down were not failures. Instead, They were chances to learn. God used them to make me who I am. And I'm still growing.
I wish the same for you.
__________
I've launched a new Life Rhythms Coaching program designed to help a select group of people:
✓ Align your purpose with your actions
✓ Amplify your leadership impact
✓ Access deeper meaning in your life and leadership
✓ Achieve sustainable work-life rhythms
Interested?
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